I just reread my last entry and saw that i never followed it up.Well,i think this entry will tie things together.Its now 02/23/11 and i have not worked at Bradken for about 90 days.They laid me off due to the division i worked in closed.I must say that they made a place for me in the cleaning room but i wasn't interested.Before i made my decision to take the layoff i asked the advice of several people i respect.Of course their response was, its up to you, but both were concerned about the fact that there just aren't many good jobs for me out there and they were glad that they had theres.So,i took the layoff and Bradken told me i had 60 days to get a new job and then they were going to recall me.Its been 90 days and no recall.
One of the many things i wanted to explore with my time off from the rubber band was me and my motives,my true desires,who i really am at 58,and what do i want to do with my life as i approach 60 years old.For one thing,my money is solid for now.I have no debt,2-3 years of money and unemployment for 6-12 months.So money isn't the issue.At least for now.I would like to think if i wanted to live broke,but make it,i might just be able to make it until social security is available.Thats kind of hazy but it is a possibility and for now i consider that thought somewhat comforting.Right now i have 24/7 available with only the agenda i create.This was my ultimate short term plan.It all worked out to a tee.
The first month is kind of a haze.I seemed to go into a hole and do nuthing except drink,smoke pot,overeat,watch tv and generally be very reclusive.Once i was laid off i responded initially very different then i thought i would.I really shut down.I felt depressed,probably due to all the shit i put into my system.It was and still is very sobering to think that i have no income for now except unemployment.Even with all that said i am glad i left Bradken.I was there 10 years and really never liked that place.It is the most dangerous place i have worked.Seemed like an ambulence packed someone out of there at least once a week and many weeks more then once.One young man,Soup,died 3 times on the way to the hospital.Ultimately,he made it,but years later he was still having surgery for the accident.People lost limbs,smashed limbs that never worked again,and some were cut open and were never the same after.Many people just took it all in stride and kept on going.Not me.All the injuries i saw affected me and it added up over time and i just did not fit there.Ok,i could go on and on but that is not the purpose of this.
So once i made it through the holidays,which by the way just passed me by,i felt like i had kind of bottomed out on the overuse of all the substances and decided to pick myself up,clean up and see whats next.
